It‘s hard for me to get my head around how things so simple can be so beautiful. When I come across natural treasures, I can’t help but be blown away by God’s creativity. The intricate detail, how they aren’t always perfect but that is the very thing that makes them so interesting. It’s difficult to admire such places and not be in awe of God’s creation.
And yet I catch myself constantly doubting who God created me to be. There have been days where I have questioned my worth. Days I’ve spent obsessing over the numerous flaws that are skin deep and then deeper. It has meant missing opportunity after opportunity because of not understanding what God sees in me.
God tells me to do something.
I learnt that insecurity is an identity issue. This year I’ve been on a journey of self discovery, which sounds cliché but hear me out. For a start, Kookie isn’t even my real name!!! (if you’re shocked that my parents didn’t name me after a biscuit, please respect them).
Jokes aside, for a long time I struggled to work out who I am, and let many people define me (not always in a bad way). Growing up I had many different people tell me who they believe I was called to be and what I was called to do. And I have appreciated both because at times I have needed that reminder. However, sometimes people come and go, or contradict what they used to believe and so I’ve learnt the importance of making sure my identity is rooted in something sure and timeless.
Being away from home has forced me to face insecurities stemming from the fact that either my identity has been so much rooted in the words of others, or I don’t feel like I measure up to the calling deep down I know I have.
The closer I get to God, the more this feeling drops off. The closer I get to the truth, the easier it is to identify lies that try to creep in. It has been the most freeing experience. Understanding who I am and the flaws I have. Learning that God is too creative to let things go to waste, he can use anything.
So what does all this have to do with the Great Falls in Virginia? Nothing really. I don’t have top tips for dealing with insecurity. All I have is the fact that I felt God say that the same way his work takes my breath away every time I look at it, is the same way he feels about me. And its the same for you too. So we can rest in that security.